You Get What You Expect

Oh that children would stay little! That is the lament I used to hear over and over as relatives or friends who hadn't seen my children for some time commented on how much they had grown. The "enjoy them now" perspective indicated that there would be a time when I wouldn't be enjoying them all that much.

Is this a 20th-21st century cultural thing, or is it something that the Scripture tells us to expect? Is the normal and expected condition realized by parents and their older children (say 15 and up) one of conflict over what is right and what is wrong? Should we gear up for these stressful battles the way we anticipate the removal of wisdom teeth? Is it a given that children will reject the teachings of their parents?

I guess it boils down to you get what you expect. If you expect your children to rebel and challenge the standards you've established as the for me and my house rules, then I submit that any defiance on the part of your children will be considered normal rather than abnormal. After all, isn't this the message we get from all the "experts" and people in the know? Don't teenagers need to be approached on their own wavelength with their own music and culture and their own identities? Are defiance and rejection of God's Law inevitable? Is this how the Scripture instructs us to view these matters?

I submit that the Word of God is quite clear that parents need to continually and repeatedly lay out God's standards for living (His commandments) and continually and repeatedly demonstrate the application of them to the lives of their children. In the process, sin needs to be identified for what it is: a failure to do those things commanded in Scripture or doing those things which the Scripture prohibits. The desire to be "nice" or lenient on the part of the parents needs to be viewed for what it is -- disobedience to God's clear commands to train up children in the way they should go. This most certainly includes, although it is not limited to, providing a thoroughly Christian education.

For those parents who were raised outside the context of a covenant household and who came to faith as adults (like me), the initial step in being able to help steward the lives of your children involves reevaluating all that you think and have learned through the lens of the Bible. I began such a trek 22 years ago when I had the benefit of being mentored from a perspective that began with the authority and sufficiency of the Word of God and never wavered from it. As a result of reading, digesting, and applying the material in Rushdoony's works, such as his biblical law trilogy, his systematic theology, and his material on Christian education, coupled with the opportunity to have one-on-one contact with him and his wife, I have been able to withstand the darts of the enemy while receiving the correction that the Word of God brings to my own life. No, this journey did not mean there were no conflicts, crises, or disagreements in my own family. Rather, Rush's teaching gave us a context to wade through the mire and confusion that were the result of sins we all brought to the situations of family life.

When we lose God's standard, we lose our way. If we fail to put on the full armor of God, we will be defeated at every turn. Parents, we have been entrusted with a very important responsibility and charge: to bring up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. When we equip ourselves to do this faithfully, we are in a position to provide the kind of hands-on training and guidance that will understand the nature of rebellion but, at the same time, give it no quarter.

A Review of Lessons Learned...

This has been a month for gifts. No, I'm not talking about Valentine's Day; I'm talking about the gifts (blessings) I've received from women who have read my book Lessons Learned from Years of Homeschooling and took the time to let me know what they thought of it. They represent the very audience I had in mind when I agreed to the undertaking. I was looking to reach women who were desirous of providing their children with a biblically-based education, but didn't know how to start. I was eager to encourage those who had gotten started and needed a boost to keep them on track. And, I was hopeful that I might cause those who had previously homeschooled and since decided that the process was best left to more expert and experienced individuals -- to reconsider whether or not God was calling them to resume.

The following is an excerpt from a book review from one such woman, Tasra Dawson, author of the book, Real Women Scrap.

Everyone has an opinion about homeschooling: wise or ignorant, creative or restrictive, positive or negative. What are your thoughts?

Andrea Schwartz is a homeschool veteran and hero...graduating two of her three children through high school and launching them into a bright and powerful future. She was the choir and drama director for my daughter last year in a rousing performance of Cinderella. The Chalcedon Foundation recently released her first book, Lessons Learned from Years of Homeschooling: A Christian Mother Shares Her Insights from a Quarter Century of Teaching Her Children.

The title itself is pretty impressive. There are very few things that I can say I've done successfully for a quarter century. Yet, she has literally written the book on homeschooling. When I received Andrea's book a few months ago, I hesitated to read it and here's why...I know that she is convincing, compelling, and passionate about this topic. That's a good thing, but I hesitated because we stopped homeschooling our daughter this year and put her in a private Christian school. The school is wonderful, don't get me wrong,but with any school you take the good and the bad.

When I finally picked up Andrea's book, I felt her passion leap off the page. She is so knowledgeable about education and children, but doesn't come across as a know-it-all. It's more like a wise mentor sharing her "lessons learned." I could relate to this because that's how I wrote my book as well. I'm not a know-it-all and don't have it all together, but I've learned a few things that I wanted to share. That's how I felt reading Andrea's book and it was eye-opening.

Now, three months later, I am proud to announce that we are returning to homeschooling. Friday was our daughter's last day in private school and today we begin a new adventure. Our entire family is excited about it...even little Bubbie [their son]. We love having our daughter home and the time that we are able to share together as a family. Between after-school sports, youth group, friends, and homework, we always felt rushed to get everything done and found little time to take the family walks that we've enjoyed.

If you've ever even contemplated homeschooling, read Andrea's book. Each chapter is short and sweet, full of information and inspiration. Here's to making our children a priority...however we choose to educate them.

I'm grateful to Tasra for giving me feedback, but I'm more grateful that there are an increasing number of parents who are embracing the idea that when it comes to discipling their children, there's no place like home.

As Unto the Lord

Excellence is a word that is thrown around quite readily these days. Yet, like so many other words in our vocabulary, it has lost much of its punch because of the all-too-many counterfeits posing as the real thing. Likewise, there are too many examples in daily life which constitute assaults on excellence. Just visit your local mall and you will discover how difficult it is to find someone who works at a store, let alone someone to help you. And then there are those instances when you call into your insurance company, bank, or technical support plan, and the "helpful" automated voice operator directs you to punch a series of numbers on your phone, which often ends up at a dead end or a prompt that alerts you that the mailbox you wish to reach is full! Whatever happened to customer service?

One need not look too far from the pages of the Bible to discover that, rather than living out the idea that those who wish to be great should serve others, our culture has deteriorated into a mindset that seeks to get the greatest possible gain from the least amount of (and often slipshod) effort. Whatever happened to doing all things excellently as unto the Lord?

Proverbs 22:29 reads: You see a man skilful at his work? He shall enter the service of kings, not the service of obscure men.

The word skilful can also be translated as diligent. In other words, those who do what they are supposed to do, the way it is supposed to be done, and do so to the best of their abilities, are those who will be rewarded with the greatest opportunities.

Homeschooling parents have the utmost occasion and context to make this concept a hallmark of their children's education. It is not that Christian schools can't emphasize excellence; they most certainly can and in many cases do. However, the one-on-one attention a parent/teacher can direct to her students, not only enables excellence to be stressed, but also to be attained. This close-up and personal concentration allows for the biblical standard of excellence to be applied without the constraints of a regular classroom setting.

Just because the current humanistic, academic models say that 70% of something constitutes a passing grade is no reason for a homeschool to accept such a sub-standard. Does anyone reading this really want to be operated on by a surgeon who only learned 70% of what was being taught while in medical school or during his internship? When the emphasis is not serving before kings, then how good, good enough is becomes a currency that can be inflated and devalued. A good, biblical answer is in order: As unto the Lord.

Rather than codify what this means in every imaginable situation, I will give you an example from my own experience. I've always asked my students (my own children and others I've tutored or taught) to present me with only their best work. How did I define best work? Simply put, I instructed them to submit an assignment that they had worked and re-worked until they felt there was nothing more that they could add or delete to improve it. Anything less, wasn't their best work. If our standard is 100% in all we do, any grade we get that is less than what we want will reflect areas needing improvement, rather than be evidence of half-hearted, apathetic efforts.

Proverbs 22:29 speaks of earthly kings and people of influence. But, lest we forget, our primary audience in all we do, think, and say is the Triune God of Scripture, in whose presence we all will stand for judgment.

For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil. (Eccles. 12:14)

I'm Glad You Asked

Yesterday I had the distinct pleasure of speaking to a homeschooling mother who had read my book Lessons Learned from Years of Homeschooling and had scheduled a time to call me and ask me the list of questions she had assembled as a result of reading it. The questions were excellent ones:

*** What did I mean by the law-word of God?

*** What did I mean when I said that we need to submit to the Word, Person, and rule of Jesus Christ?

*** How could she know if she held presuppositions that are contrary to Scripture, and how should she go about unearthing them and dealing with them?

Why I called this encounter a pleasure results from the fact that here was a woman who was very hungry for God's Word, with a huge appetite for applying it faithfully. It also gave me an opportunity to realize that there is much I know and take for granted that could be of great benefit to other homeschooling teachers/parents similarly eager to apply their faith to all of their lives. The dilemma: how to connect those who have questions and need mentoring with someone (me) eager and willing to answer and assist?

Chris Ortiz, host of the Chalcedon podcasts, has suggested a solution. He has invited me back for another podcast interview (the first one aired in November 2006 and can be found @ http://feeds.feedburner.com/ChalcedonPodcast) to specifically answer questions and concerns particular to home education.

So, I invite you to send your questions to: lessons.learned @yahoo.com and I will deal with them during the interview scheduled for next week.

This Wasn't on My Agenda Today

It's a funny thing that circumstances that you deem problematic at one point in your life turn out to be among the most helpful. Take for example the common circumstance within a homeschool setting whereby "things happen" that aren't on your agenda for a particular day, forcing an upheaval in the daily schedule. For me, yesterday, counted as one of those days.

It was mid-morning and we had already covered our Bible study, learned and went over thirteen new vocabulary words (SAT type prep), and were well into the math portion of our morning. While my student was tackling some Algebra problems, I thought I would finish up some laundry that I had begun the day before. Little did I know that since the last time I was in the laundry room the liquid soap container had fallen and broken. So, as I made my way to "make good use of my time," I encountered a very slippery, soapy floor, nearly falling down.

Now I mention all this because this mini-crisis needed immediate attention, and I needed the help of my daughter. Thus, Algebra stopped for awhile and she got me some towels so that I could clean up the spill and not injure myself in the process. Years ago, circumstances like this brought on tremendous anxiety. "But, I can't handle this now! This is school time. If my kids were in a regular day school, they wouldn't be called upon to help clean up messes!" Yes, I was guilty of trying to make my homeschool just like a day-school. Either I'd handle these sorts of problems myself while my children "kept working on their studies" or, I'd feel as though I was breaking some cardinal rule or law by having them stop and help me.

What's changed? For one thing, I've traveled this road before with two older children and I'm better aware of where I'm headed. But mostly, I've learned that it is in the very unplanned situations and problems of life that much learning and discipling opportunities occur. My daughter had to learn yesterday that some things take priority over others. Her math lesson would keep, but an unsafe situation in the laundry room had to be taken care of. She also learned that part and parcel of keeping and managing a household involves being flexible and solution-oriented despite how trivial or unpleasant an issue appears. I think the reason that moms in general and homeschool moms in particular can multi-task as well as anyone is because they have to stay on target throughout the day in the midst of changing circumstances.

By the end of the day my laundry room floor was pristine, the Algebra problems were corrected, and only one subject needed to be rescheduled for today. But, the piano lesson still took place, I made it to my board meeting on time, and dinner made it onto the table (albeit a bit late). And, as it turns out, we'll have more time today, because the homeschool mom who helps my daughter with her biology lab called needing to reschedule their weekly time together because of a necessary, unexpected change in her agenda.

I'm hoping that no matter what academic credentials my daughter acquires at the end of her name after she's completed her education, that she will also have the confidence that she can manage a household and deal with the little things of life and take them in stride. The words of Jesus come to mind, "Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things..."

Lessons from the Cuckoo Clock

I love clocks. If you were to visit my home, you'd see all sorts of clocks in almost every room of the house. Some of these clocks chime, others ding, some play music, others have a swinging pendulum, while still others display the barometric pressure and humidity levels. The latest addition to my clock menagerie is a cuckoo clock, something I've wanted for quite some time.

Now cuckoo clocks defy modernity. This one is many years old and doesn't need batteries or electricity. Imagine that! It runs on the principle of two weights attached to a chain that allow the clock to keep time and make its cuckoo sound on the hour and half hour so long as you keep the chains pulled. One pull on each chain should be able to last for days.

This vintage clock was an auction item I won at the local Community Pregnancy Center fundraising dinner. It had been donated by one CPC supporter. So, when we had some difficulty in making it operate correctly, we didn't have the benefit of a store to call for assistance in setting it up. Through trial and error, it eventually worked, but not before I was sure I have permanently ruined it six or seven times!

The lesson here: this clock was so well made that despite my ineptitude and impatience, it works as its designer intended. A corollary lesson for homeschooling parents: your children are so well made that, despite your initial ineptitude and impatience, they can thrive and learn in the homeschooling environment, even if you are a novice rookie.

Many homeschooling parents feel that they might damage their children irrevocably or mar them in such a way that their futures will be forever compromised. Some even keep them in a public school setting for fear of "doing damage." However, viewed from a biblical perspective, just the opposite is the case. Keeping them in an environment where the holy fear of the Lord is not the basis and emphasis of all subjects taught, is among the most deceitful and harmful of situations thrust upon children.

Like the craftsman who produced my prize cuckoo clock, the Creator, Designer, Sustainer, and Redeemer of your children constructed His creatures (your children among them) with the capacity to withstand the bumps and mishaps from operator error!

Redeeming the Time

Whether you are homeschooling one child or a number of them, it is important for the homeschooling parent/teacher to use her time and her children's time wisely. There are some basic principles that will help make the homeschool experience a more successful and productive one.

1. Have a designated place where teaching takes place and a separate space where your student(s) can do independent work.

2. Get caller-ID and an answering machine so that you can decide which calls to take and those to ignore.

3. If you are interrupted, have your students be prepared to switch to "independent work" until you are ready to resume working with them. These could include: reading, musical instrument practice, finishing up a previous assignment, or going ahead in the lesson independently. Being prepared for these inevitable times (e.g., having to schedule a repair visit for an impaired washing machine) makes it so your student is not sitting idly waiting for your return.

4. When you are driving to sport activities or doctor's appointments, have a tape or CD series that you listen to only in the car. (We've listened to history tapes, biographies, and sermons while driving on short and extended trips at what I call our auto university.) You can also use car trips to have your student read aloud and discuss a lesson or assignment.

5. Make use of the various activities of the family and turn them into educational lessons. Visits to the vet and pediatrician can give your students a chance to get questions answered and see how these professionals conduct their business. Make sure your students are always ready to "grab some reading material" for stints in the waiting room. Better to have them get some schoolwork done than just browse through mindless magazines.

6. Be ready to have to change plans on short notice. Sometimes a great opportunity will arise that requires you to alter your schedule for the day. A free ticket to a show or museum and/or an unexpected visit from a relative or family friend is a good reason to reschedule academics to later in the evening or the weekend.

Homeschooling is different than day school and some advance planning can allow for learning to take place in many ways and venues. I'm sure there are plenty of other sound practices that are implemented every day by home-schooling moms across the country. Feel free to share some.

Why Write?

I am repeatedly asked for my advice regarding how to teach writing to grammar school-age children. Not only have I taught my own children how to write, but I have taught in co-op settings and privately tutored other homeschooled students. To fully answer the question, I will begin by repeating my opening remarks to each class or initial one-on-one tutoring session I've ever taught. Here goes:

There are four kinds of people:

Those who have something of value to say and say it well.

Those who have something of value to say and say it poorly.

Those who have nothing of value to say and say it well.

Those who have nothing of value to say and say it poorly.

I then let my students know that I have no interest in helping people who have nothing of value to say. From my point of view if they have nothing of value to say, I certainly don't want to help them say it better -- whichever category (3 or 4) they fall into.

What do I mean by something of value to say? Simply put, the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the most valuable piece of information that can be imparted. Admittedly, not everything one is called to write will include the Gospel message, but ultimately, those with a biblical worldview, who understand that the law-word of God speaks to every area of life and thought, are those who have something of value to say. By implication, this means that if someone is going to communicate (either orally or by the written word), what they have to say, how they say it, why they say it, and when and where they choose to say it are all relevant questions needing to be answered.

Now, back to the question of teaching writing. As children learn to read phonetically, writing out the words they learn and saying them aloud cements new words into their vocabulary. Likewise, as they are provided with challenging and worthwhile reading material, their vocabulary will increase. It is my opinion that young grammar school-age children should spend the majority of their time acquiring knowledge by being given a steady diet of "nutritious" books with ideas meant to stretch their understanding of the world in which God has placed them. In essence, this is increasing their arsenal of having something of value to say.

Initially, evidence of concepts and ideas being absorbed will come in the form of comments, questions, or discussion. It is only when someone has something of value to say, that being able to articulate those ideas with the written word makes any sense at all. Otherwise, it just becomes an exercise in putting words on paper without the intent to communicate something of value. The homeschooling parent can assist by acting as a secretary taking dictation -- writing what the child says orally -- thereby helping the child see that writing is merely taking what one says and committing it to paper. Then, the parent can interject suggestions by applying the rules of grammar and syntax in order to have the child's ideas put forth in a clearer and more coherent fashion. This helps the child see that writing is just another way to communicate. Once the parent has completed the dictation and suggested rephrasing and grammatical corrections, the child should take the paper and prepare a final copy in his best handwriting. Now, he has produced something worth reading, and you should seek a greater audience for it than just you and your child.

A couple of things will become apparent with this exercise: good writing takes effort, practice and time. Finding the correct words (a dictionary or thesaurus helps) and arranging them in such a way as to make their meaning clear is an activity that in the end produces a product worthy of someone's attention and time investment.

No one who enjoys talking should hate writing. If a child has been being taught that he has been put in this world to glorify God and enjoy Him forever (answer to the first question of the Westminster Shorter Catechism), and additionally knows that he has been privileged to take part in the Great Commission to share the good news of Jesus Christ with those he comes in contact, it follows that he should strive to fulfill that commission the best way possible. Writing will then be an opportunity to let others know what he believes, rather than just an assignment that has to get done.

If you find that your child has difficulty with dictating to you (can't really think of anything to say on any topic), then I suggest you have him copy portions of good literature or Bible passages as a way to train his ear how to write well. Afterwards, you can dictate the portion or passage back to him and have him write it as you say it. This process helps create a pathway that enables the student to realize that writing is what the authors of his favorite books did in order for him to have the opportunity to receive and appreciate their ideas.

There are many opportunities in life for kids to write: letters to family and friends, "reviews" of books or movies they've enjoyed, and summaries of topics learned in history or literature. Or, for those who need a little more incentive: If your student seeks permission to buy something or go somewhere, inform him that he needs to put the request in writing in a clear manner before you will even entertain the idea at all. This might spur a reluctant writer to overcome the hurdles to acquire a greater proficiency in persuasive writing, in order to get what he wants!

The homeschooling teacher need not stress over this process. Some children will take to this sooner than others. It's like walking and potty training: We care more that it happens rather than when it happens, just so long as it eventually happens. The important part is to continually provide material that enables your student to have more to talk and think about. Help him get to the point where he knows he is able to bring ideas and opinions to the conversations of life -- something of value to say, and with your help, the ability to say it well.