Faithful Are the Words of My Friend

I have a most faithful friend whom I have known for over twenty years. During that time, I have only had the pleasure of sharing time with her in person on two occasions. Yet, this friend has been there for me in some of the most intense and important experiences of my life, not to mention times of sweet fellowship that I have enjoyed with other believers. Most recently her words provided the very real comfort I needed during an episode of sorrow. Words I have listened to for over fifteen years were used by God to convict and encourage me during a moment of overwhelming doubt. And yet, this friend is not very original in what she has to say. In fact, she constantly uses Another's ideas and words to make her point. You might say that she rarely has an original thought.

If you haven't already heard of her, I would like to introduce you to my very good friend. Her name is Judy Rogers and she has produced a body of musical work that is geared to support and encourage the Christian individual and family to stand firm in their faith of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. You can get a great sampling of her CD offerings by visiting her website. Here is some background on this godly woman:

Judy was born and raised in the Appalachian Mountains of southwestern Virginia. Her parents are dedicated Christians who taught their children the love and fear of our great God. Her dad is blessed to be very musical and her mom is a wonderful writer of stories, poems, and songs. These gifts were present in all four of their children and they have all sought to use them for the Kingdom of Christ.

Judy has been married to Wayne Rogers, a pastor, for 38 years. Their three children were the greatest reasons Judy began writing songs in the early 1980s. Believing that music is powerful and that children can learn much more than we often give them credit for, Judy began writing songs that were distinctively biblical, thought provoking, and melodically addicting! Wayne suggested that Judy write songs for the major themes of the Westminster Children's and Shorter Catechisms and, as they say, the rest is history.

Judy's music continues to minister to me even after years and years of having it accompany me in my car, at the gym, and even through my 25 years of homeschooling. In fact, my two youngest children could sing the Ten Commandments and the Lord's Prayer long before they could recite them thanks to her first recording Why Can't I See God?. And this is a great comfort to me, knowing that the Word of God was planted and watered within them with the help of resources like Judy's music.

No, Christian education (whether through homeschooling or Christian schools) doesn't guarantee that there are no bumps, bruises, and detours along the way for our children. But, with a firm foundation laid in God's law-word and with the help of moms like Judy Rogers, God has given us the weapons of our warfare!!

Oh How I Love Thy Law!!!

Life appears to be full of unanswerable questions: Why would a person go on a rampage and kill people he didn't know? Why do apparently rational people continue to pursue behaviors that are detrimental to themselves and their families? Why do people raised in the faith turn from it after years of evidence of God's blessings for obedience? And the list could go on and on.

Psalm 119 (the longest psalm in the Bible) gives us the proper focus and foundation as we face these unanswerables: the law of God. God's law is to be our starting point as we ponder the whys and wherefores of unexplainable events and behaviors. If God's law is not our starting point, we will be as unstable and doubleminded as unbelievers. In fact, it is safe to say that this psalm makes the benchmark of faithfulness to God synonymous with faithfulness to His law-word. An honest, careful study of this psalm establishes that the law of God is the delight of the believer and that he meditates in it day and night. Thus, the major emphasis of every Christian homeschool should be knowing, learning, and meditating on God's law and judging all things in terms of it. This constitutes the "righteous judgments" we are told to exercise in John 7:24:

Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

By the time a person is ready to assume his role as an adult, the law of God should be so hidden in his heart that his actions, decisions, and perspectives reflect faithfulness to God's holy Word. Moreover, when called upon to give a reason for the hope that is within him, he should be able to render an answer in terms of the law-word of God. This includes being able to comment on and judge any situation or circumstance with Thus sayeth the Lord....

Be wary of persons or teachings that elevate man's law above God's law where the two are in disagreement (capital punishment, abortion, human sexuality). Likewise, be wary of those who place their own personal opinions -- their likes and dislikes -- above the clear pronouncements of Scripture and justify their positions based on an "everybody knows" mentality. For example, homeschooling parents often outsource music and art instruction, along with athletic training. In cases where the parent isn't present for the lesson, it is important to "debrief" the child so that any subversive attitude or perspective does not enter in to your family unawares. Switching instructors might be in order should it become obvious that God's ways are despised or disdained.

By what standard should a godly education be judged? By ensuring that learning is taking place under the instruction of persons or a curriculum which reveres, respects, and obeys God's law and teaches others to follow it in all areas of life and thought. Of course, this means that homeschooling parents need to steep themselves in the Scriptures so that they are qualified to impart a biblical world and life view, and be able to confidently counter other perspectives that attempt to supplant and replace it. Then, when conflicts arise with modern cultural ways of thinking (and they will), and clear doctrines of the Bible are challenged by secular "truths," the words of Romans 3:3-4 will be in the forefront:

For what if some did not believe? shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect?
God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.

Filling the Gap

In an earlier blog, I spoke about the vital function that fathers play in the success of homeschooling. I promised I would address the concept of finding a godly substitute in the case of widowhood or divorce, or even a single mom who has never been married. So, here are my thoughts on this subject.

First of all, the role that is to be replaced as far as the homeschool is concerned is father, not husband. This is an important distinction. I'm not saying that a woman cannot successfully homeschool if she is not married. Sure, a two-parent household is ideal, but just as a person can continue to live a productive life with one kidney, one leg, or one eye, etc., so too can a homeschool succeed with just one parent. As the person who has lost a vital part of his anatomy needs to make adjustments or get aids to help in dealing with the loss, so too does the homeschooling mother need some assistance when dealing with the discipline of her children.

Grandfathers, uncles, and older adult brothers can function in this capacity. There must be a consensus of what the standards and rules are, and an agreement that the surrogate will act in accordance with, not in opposition to the mother. In the absence of blood relatives, an elder, deacon, a member of the church might be willing to take on such a commitment. And, a commitment it is. For this is a role that will continue until the homeschooled child reaches a point where he or she is ready to make significant lifetime choices and live them out.

The covering and protection of the father-figure can be aided by members of his immediate family. In the case of a non-family member taking on this responsibility, he must have the support and assistance of his wife in making this a family ministry. Showing up for important events and providing encouragement for the milestones of life can be a shared activity with his own family. Care must be taken that no improper bond or relationship develops between the "father figure" and the mother without a husband. The man's role in this is to fill the "father gap," not to become a substitute for the love and care the single, divorced, or widowed woman may desire.

The Body of Christ is a family. Galatians tells us to "Do good unto all men, especially those of the household of faith." This is a very tangible way for church members to make a huge difference in the lives of fatherless children.

{Note: I have first-hand knowledge of family members filling the gap left by an absent father (either due to death, divorce, or desertion). I'm eager to share the stories of others who have witnessed similar acts of grace. Please send them along.)

Incentives

Many times during my tenure as a home educating parent, I've run into the situation where my child just wasn't "getting" a particular subject, despite the fact that I had good curriculum, a good personal grasp of the material, and had attempted many different approaches to the subject matter. More than once I almost succumbed to the idea that I just wasn't qualified to deal with this learning issue. I thought that maybe an "expert" needed to be called in. So, I'd make phone calls and talk to those who taught professionally. I soon discovered that they didn't have any easy fixes or answers. In fact, much of their advice included avenues I had already explored, and they were impressed with things I had tried that they'd never considered. But before too long, I had a breakthrough that enabled me to help my students over seemingly impossible hurdles.

Scripture tells us that the worker is worthy of his hire. I have applied this principle in my homeschool by incentivizing subject areas in which I want to see positive results. No, I'm not talking about bribery. I'm talking about demonstrating to my children that I'm willing to reward them for accomplishing a significant task and that there is an immediate good reason for them to try harder.

Let me give some illustrations:

Each of my children has been expected to learn the Westminster Shorter Catechism. We used it as opportunity for writing drills and memorization work. When my son was in high school, I taught Church History at a homeschool co-op. I put a sizable chunk of prize money up for first, second, and third place for a "catechism bee." In the process, my students learned the essential doctrines of the faith and got to pocket some cash at the same time.

When my youngest was learning to read, she would often get frustrated and want to abandon our phonics lesson. I needed to incentivize this subject area. I used stickers and stars, but realized quickly that she could take or leave this reward and would still want to give up. So, I did a little research and found out that she really wanted a "grown-up" golf bag like her sister had. I promised her that whenever she reached lesson 60 and could read any page prior without a mistake, she would earn her bag. It didn't happen over night, but she was committed to the activity and was toting a "real bag" just like the big girls carried before too long.

Many times when I'm out with my youngest as she's practicing golf, I can see that the routine is becoming monotonous. I often put up a challenge such as, "If you can hit that barrel out at 100 yards, I'll let you decide what we have for dinner tonight." Suddenly, her focus gets very pronounced and she's working at winning this contest. Keep in mind that it isn't an easy task I've laid before her. But, as she pursues it, she's honing her skills and improving her results. Often, bystanders and spectators marvel at what they interpret as her desire for perfection. When I inform them what the reward is, they scratch their heads finding it hard to believe that someone would work that hard for such an inconsequential reward.

As children get older, the nature of the incentive needs to change as what thrills one child often leaves another cold. So, the rewards need to be tailored to the individual, and need not be expensive -- just creative. Before too long, the student's personal desire for excellence kicks in (whether in academics, athletics, or the arts) and he or she begins to create internal, personal incentives in the specific endeavor.

Recipe for Failure -- Sin in the Camp

The most important aspect of Christian homeschooling is the ability to infuse all subjects with a biblical worldview in order to provide a personal and cultural relevancy for the students. This requires a dedication to godliness that must place the love of God (the Great Commandment) above all other issues and concerns in order to have an orientation that pleases the Lord. Another beneficial aspect of the homeschooling experience is the ability for parents to focus on those areas where God has gifted or talented particular children. Whether it is in academics, athletics, the arts, or some combination thereof, special attention and suitable instruction can be tailored for the individual student. This makes the pursuit of excellence all the more possible.

Pursuing excellence and achieving excellence are two different things. For example, in cooking, one can have all the correct ingredients and the recipe still might fail, if any of those ingredients are spoiled or rotten. Likewise, parents need to identify and confront the more subtle areas of sin in their children (spoiled or rotten ingredients) such as pride, ingratitude, impatience, arrogance, selfishness, insubordination, despair, laziness, rage, and blasphemy. Failing to do so may well produce a champion or an expert according to the world's standards, but hardly a suitable or acceptable ambassador for Jesus Christ.

Catechizing and instructing children from a very young age allows for easier times of correction when these attitudes and character flaws manifest themselves. Parents need to be honest with themselves and deal with their own sins in these areas by means of confession and repentance before they tackle them with their child. How blessed we are to be loved and covered by a Savior who knows our infirmities and has already paid the price. Nonetheless, we must be diligent in weeding out those aspects of striving for excellence that are self-centered and self-serving, so that we (along with our children) can fulfill our chief purpose of glorifying God and enjoying Him forever.

Fathers

I suspect that if most homeschools are like mine, the mother in the household is responsible for most of the actual teaching. There are exceptions of course, but I would say that this is true most of the time, especially because homeschooling families with stay-at-home moms often rely primarily on one income. So, it would be easy to suppose that fathers are by-and-large irrelevant when it comes to the day-in and day-out success of academic work. -- Wrong conclusion. Without the father's role being filled (either by the dad himself, or a godly substitute* in the case of widowhood or divorce), the result looks more like a tug of war than education.

To make an architectural analogy: In the structure of the homeschool, the Word of God is the foundation, the father assumes the role of the roof and walls, and the mother handles most of the interior decoration and arrangement. Without the covering of the father/husband there isn't much to decorate or arrange. The storms of life (nicely provided by the world, the flesh, and the devil, not to mention those problems sent by God to further our sanctification), are weathered by a strong outer structure so that those in the interior stay dry and safe.

To be sure, when it comes to the academic or business success of my older children, I am often credited with having given them a good foundation. And this is true. But, what remains largely unheralded and overlooked is that without my husband supporting and encouraging the entire enterprise, the fruit wouldn't be as good, and I would most likely be called a "former homeschooling mom" rather than the active one I am today.

All this being said, it is vital for the husband/father in the homeschool to be an expert when it comes to God's law-word and its application to his family. Over the years, many a dispute that has arisen between my children/students and me has been astutely handled by my husband's patient listening, followed by insightful comments that more often than not, open the door to resolution. These were not whimsical solutions, but ones where God's ensciptured Word was given prominence and authority.

Lastly, I would be remiss in failing to acknowledge a bit of envy that often permeates my soul when it comes to my husband dealing with our children. From the time they were very little, the deep sound of Daddy's voice was something that produced immediate change that mine never seemed to accomplish. I've always wanted that deep, male-voice when it came to getting results or altered behavior in the kids. And this phenomenon didn't change when they got older. Even as some were feeling their oats, nothing brought them back down to earth faster than the God-given authority of their earthly father using his "get your attention" voice.

So, here's a round of applause for all the thousands of homeschooling dads who propel one of the most significant movements in our time -- one that is sure to realize the furtherance of the Kingdom of God on earth!

(* more on this in a future essay)